Don’t give into small and sweet, yet very persuasive girls wearing badges.

Dear Darlings,

There are lots of things you SHOULD NOT DO in life in order to stay alive and maintain your sanity. And one of the best life lessons you can learn is to just say “no.” Definitely say no to (most) drugs and (all) people in windowless vans claiming they have puppies. But also say no to Samoas, Tagalongs and Thin Mints. Because they will not make you thin. Do not believe their false advertising. As soon as you say yes to those bold, brave, sneaky little salesgirls, you will also be saying yes to them for the remainder of cookie season. And before you said yes to them you didn’t even know there was a cookie season. 

This is why.

You will have to share these seasonally evil cookies with other people in your house who claim to need them as much as you suddenly do. And then you’ll have to buy more boxes in order to hide a few from those whiny, cookie-needy family members. You’ll also find yourself making lame excuses for why you’re allowed to eat one of these sweet treats (that are no longer treats) at nine o’clock in the morning. Such as using a crunchy, chocolatey, minty snack to freshen your breath. Or because you earned it by just walking up and down the stairs to retrieve your cell phone. You also may find yourself staying up past your bed time wondering why you ate your last caramel-coated fix before dinner, instead of saving it to send you into dreamland. And now instead of being in a sugar-induced dream/borderline diabetic coma, you are now just up dreaming of where you can find more of those damn pony-tailed scouts. 

Do not do it. Walk away from these little ladies in brown. Keep your five dollars to save the whales or the feed the homeless. If not, you’re going to be feeding a new addiction instead.


Disclaimer: I love the Girl Scouts, Daisies and Brownies (Especially the chocolate, chewy kind. Omg I have a problem.). I support their ethics and endeavors and want them to succeed. It’s just that I also would like to succeed in life myself and I won’t if they don’t quit stalking me.